I love being a Mama.
After all, how could you not simply adore this face?
Timothy brings Dan and I more joy that we could ever have dreamed up. He loves people, loves to laugh and play, and we are so blessed with a happy baby. His personality and presence have made this household better and fuller, and we can't imagine life without him.
I still meant everything I said in my previous post, however. I write a lot on multiple blogs and don't share often, but felt a push to share that one. My heart intention in sharing it was twofold...
First of all... I really believe that we girls have gotta break the Mommy Silence. A friend of mine messaged me in my first few weeks postpartum, and said those words to me. "...break the Mommy Silence..." I was so tired, and nobody had mentioned what sleep deprivation really feels like. She was encouraging me and saying that we mommies need to stick together. I believe this. We need more Mamas who are willing to be real, to talk about the nitty-gritty of the little years. Because there is nitty-gritty. And I know it gets forgotten quickly, and it only lasts a little while in the grand scheme of things...but that doesn't change the fact that when you're in it, it can be downright hard. And you know what? There is no shame in admitting that.
It's like there's this silent competition amongst moms, that we don't want to mention that, "I've cried three times this week just because I'm tired from being up with a teething baby...". What if my Mama friend sees that I don't have it all together? What if she does have it all together? I don't want to be vulnerable, only to find out that I'm obviously a sissy-Mama, unable to cope with the day-to-day of Mamahood. So I stay silent. I don't admit that sometimes, I just loose it...or forget things...or say the wrong things...or don't know how to handle the rest of the day. Because what if it really is just me? What if I'm all alone, doing this Mama thing, and feeling like sometimes I get it all wrong?
But you know what? 9-out-of-10 moms that I talk to...really talk to...about their week, about the happenings in their house... 9-out-of-10 will admit that, yeah, I don't have it figured out. And it's tough. And some days it's not fun.
I've said so many times in the last 10 months that parenting is every emotion you've ever had, to the hilt. One moment I'm crying because I haven't slept in 4 nights and my body aches to lie down. And then later that same day, I'm crying because someday Timothy will graduate highschool and my heart feels like it might rip out of my chest when I think about him not being near me all the time. No other relationship makes you feel so deeply, on all levels and in all aspects. I know that's why the Father offered His Son...not a wife, or a friend, or a parent...His child. They invade your heart and your life unlike any other relationship, and because of that everything is felt more truly, more raw. So yeah, it's so hard. Hardest thing I've ever done. But it's oh, so sweet. Sweetest thing I've experienced in this world.
So I would love to see the Mommy Silence broken. Don't be ashamed that it's hard sometimes. It's not complaining to admit that something isn't easy. But also relish that it's so very precious. Because it is, fully, both hard and precious.
The other reason for my post was simply encouragement. Encouragement to know that you're not by yourself, you beautiful Mamas in the trenches. I know so many dear ones who are in the same place as I am, every day, in this same season. I'm right there with you, learning as I go, as are countless others. I offer you the encouragement that you are doing well - such a beautiful job at loving your littles, growing them, nurturing them - all by His grace. That's the beauty of it. Our strength doesn't come from knowing we're good moms, or how cute our kids look when we go out, or how together we appear on Facebook. It comes from our only Source, our only Well. He is enough, and will fill us up when we're comin' up empty. We don't have to have it all together. Praise God.
So take heart... take a deep breath and a good, long drink from the Well, Mama friends. I know I do.
"And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it... Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord..." - Romans 7:18-20, 25
"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die." - Gal 2:21
"But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out His grace on me - and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the apostles; yet it was not I, but God who was working through me by His grace." - 1 Cor 15:10
-HK
All Scripture quotations are from the New Living Translation of the Bible.
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