I began writing this post back in the fall, and wanted to share now that I have a few more things to add...
Lemme tell you what nobody tells you... the first few weeks of being a new mom are hard. I was not prepared for what sleep deprivation, complete loss of familiar routine, being cooped up in my house 24/7, and feeling like I lived in a rocking chair was going to do to me. Don't get me wrong...I adore my son. He brings us so much joy and I can already not even remember life without him. But those first 6-8 weeks kind of feel like another life, when I look back on them. Now, at 10 months post-partum and going strong, things are so much easier. Eight months ago, if you had told me things would get better, I probably wouldn't have believed you...just ask Dan.
I was talking with a friend of mine right after Timothy was born, and she said we really need to "break the Mommy silence" about those first few post-partum weeks with your first child. Not all, but most, first-time mommies will go through this season of feeling like a fish-out-of-water. Nothing is the same. But be encouraged! It does get better. On this side of things, there is color in the world again. But before I can't remember these days anymore (because apparently they are easily forgotten - people have multiple children!) I want to "break the Mommy silence" and share some things I learned to make these weeks seem a bit less scary for anyone who might be about to go through them, in the midst of them, or feeling like they don't want to ever experience them again.
- Stop Googling. Trust your God-given mommy instincts. Ask experienced moms who you personally know. But for Heaven's sake, stop looking everything up. I speak from experience. It will probably just make you worry more, and next week your baby probably won't be doing whatever it is doing anymore, anyway.
- Eat well. Sounds basic enough, but I can't tell you how much better I felt when I actually ate food. Many days after Dan returned to work, I would survive several hours on water and granola bars...but if I ever got an actual meal, I felt like I would maybe survive the next 24 hours. Freezer meals, people bringing meals, sending hubby out for takeout... take people up on their offers and don't feel guilty! Stock your freezer with burritos, soups, cookies to pop in the oven. Stock your fridge with sandwich makings and fruit. Keep your favorite drinks handy - Gatorade or the like is fantastic for an energy boost while your body is adjusting to nursing. Don't feel bad about keeping food and drinks that you genuinely like and enjoy in the house. This is a season. Embrace it.
- Load the dvd player. Or get Netflix. Or download new books to your Kindle. Or something. It made me feel so much more sane to have something that I was keeping up with during those days of endless nursing, even if it was just a TV show. My personal choice ended up being The Mentalist. I got seasons 1-4 from eBay and spent many days watching several episodes at a time, if it had been a rough night before. Me, baby, rocking chair and Patrick Jane. That pretty much summed up months 1-3 for us. Ha...
- Baby wear. After the first two or three weeks, wearing Timothy in a Moby helped me feel a bit more human. He and I could go to Walmart, Kroger, wherever, and he would sleep the entire trip, as long as he was worn. It also helped when I began to have energy to cook and clean again, to be able to wear him and keep him close, but have a little more freedom to be up and about. If you don't have a Moby or a good quality wrap or sling, invest now. It is so worth it. An Ergo has ended up being my carrier of choice once he reached 15 pounds or so. They are well worth the money if you like being out of the house.
- Co-sleep. At least for the first few weeks. It is the best way for everyone involved to get some sleep and feel like you can survive another day. I was staunchly against co-sleeping before Timothy was born, because I felt like it would mean he would sleep with us forever. But it doesn't have to be that way. Around 8 weeks our little guy started transitioning quite easily into sleeping on his own, and has been ever since. In those early weeks, though, you are all they know - and they need you. They are not manipulating you or creating an unhealthy dependency at such a little age. Don't be afraid to be near. They will feel more secure, you will be more rested, and the whole adjustment period will be easier. Believe me...this mama and sleep deprivation was not pretty. Sleeping side by side made everything easier.
- Give yourself grace. If the house isn't clean, if the laundry's not done, if the dishes pile up... just chill, Mama. You are pouring yourself into a little human, and literally introducing him or her to this huge world, every second of the day. If you are breastfeeding, this can be an even more overwhelming reality. Let that be your job and your focus, 100%, for the first 4-6 weeks. It is a big deal. Don't be afraid to ask for help, but don't stress. You can never get these first, brand-new days back. Soak them up.
- Know that nothing lasts forever. Really, as cliche as it sounds. The first days when you're starry-eyed in love with this little creature. The next few weeks when sleep is a thing of the past. The middle-of-the-nights when you have nothing left to give and so many tears to cry. The moments when you just don't know what's wrong or how to fix it. The nights spent on the couch because they will sleep nowhere if it's not on your chest. The carseat rides when they're screaming. Nothing lasts forever. Not the newborn snuggles when they still smell like a fresh, new baby. Not the sweet, oh-so-wrinkled feet and hands. Not the first smiles, coos, giggles. Not the falling asleep beside you, nursing. It goes so fast. In just 10 months, I've already watched so many lasts come and go. Enjoy every single second of the newness, because it goes. so. quickly.
Congratulations on your new baby's arrival or impending arrival! Soak it up...go on and kiss that sweet newborn foot for me!
-HK
ps: Have something to add? I would love to hear your Mommy Boot Camp thoughts in the comments!
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